Ponder the Big Aristotle
For as long as human beings have existed, we have fought. Sometimes we fight for food, shelter and resources. We also fight for sex, love and dominance, because the entire trilogy is quite a rush. As we’ve become more advanced, our fight for resources has become more sophisticated. We can fight for ideals, for political self-determination, for the preservation of art and the freedom to use payday loans in West Covina and cash advance in West Covina. You knew that’s where I was going, consider the Web site you’re reading, right?
But hold everything. Forget all that tripe I just threw at you! Get a load of this:
“Hurry home early – hurry on boy
Shaquille O’Neal’s fighting Hong Man Choi”
(my apologies to Warren Zevon’s “Boom Boom Mancini”)
The baller and the mauler
We already know that Shaquille O’Neal’s basketball accomplishments are impressive. He has also tried his hand and a rap music career, actor and video game hero (which I suppose is just another form of actor, really). Now the man with 22 wide feet is looking to stomp his way into the world of Mixed Martial Arts. Much like with Godzilla, I’m sure the Japanese national guard will be on red alert with sonic cannons in case things go awry and Shaq Fu takes it out on coastal Shinto shrines and Raymond Burr.
According to Bleacher Report, O’Neal has been training in MMA for years and has used his finely honed knowledge to spot a flaw in the combat style of Hong Man Choi. Apparently akin to Bruce Lee’s near-telepathic ability to read the movements of opponents split seconds before they make them, O’Neal feels confident he can defeat the dangerous Korean kickboxer.
And it didn’t have ANYTHING to do with the Jose Canseco fight
That’s right. Hong Man Choi is the man who brought ringing defeat to the ears of the steroid-fueled ex-baseball slugger and reality television star. In about 77 seconds, Jose went down swinging after a barrage of kicks made him think he was driving 100 in his Maserati down the wrong side of the street again. He managed to hit Hong Man Choi about as well as he hit the curve and caught fly balls.
Shaq Fu won’t be taking on a man who is appreciably smaller than he is. The “Korean Colossus” is 7-foot-2 and weights 330 pounds. While he’s not considered to be among the elite of MMA heavyweights, he isn’t Glass Joe from “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out,” either.
“Jo-say can you see…”
Canseco, who was definitely a physical specimen in his day, was devastated by Hong Man Choi. According to the National Post, the strategy the former Madonna boy toy used against the kickboxer was to run around his opponent, “sneaking in the occasional punch or kick” like an HGH booster in the backside.
Canseco connected with an overhand right to the side of Hong Man Choi’s face. But his lack of reach when compared to his opponent (the Korean is about a foot taller and nearly 100 pounds heavier) made the rest of the match heavy-going for Canseco. About a minute in, Choi tossed the 44-year-old to the mat after blocking a roundhouse kick. Then the titanic 28-year-old fell on top of hapless Jose. In a Festivus flourish, Hong Man Choi rained blows upon the Cuban-American’s head. The referee had no choice but to stop the fight.
“That’s a big man,” Canseco told reporters afterward, as opposed to during the fight, when the tape recorders and flashbulbs would be distracting. “I ran into one of his left jabs and that almost knocked me out. You have no idea how scary it was facing a man that big.”
In other news, making bail at 3 a.m. doesn’t have to knock you out. payday loans in West Covina and cash advance in West Covina can help.
Witness the power of Shaq Fu:
